Some of my colleagues in the Department had described to me the overall experience, what venturing into Suicidio was all about. They obviously expounded the hangings, the poisonings, the shootings, the wrist-slashings, in each case painting all the anatomical gruesomeness in the annotated detail that one expects from fellow academics. They also tried their best to explain the subjective qualities that again and again assaulted the newcomers, placing an emphasis on the sticky anguish that once on you it was impossible to wash away, and the sudden but then continuing melancholy of the most absorbing sort.
I personally must doubt the trustworthiness of their theses, suppositions and opinions. I appreciate their good intentions, and their logical arguments, but one could easily see how they were just regurgitating what they had read or been told, thinking all along that their brains were churning out novel material.
If asked to be objective and to summarize my first impression of Suicidio in a simple sentence, I would say that all the fuss was a little unfounded, Suicidio was not the utterly mysterious place some people have made it seem.
In this case, however, being objective and using my unbiased although particular viewpoint could be considered to be a misleading approach. It is obviously better trying to imagine what a common person is likely to experience during the first minutes, and then the first hours, and then the first days in Suicidio.
And what my colleagues seemed to disregard quite blatantly about Suicidio, not a doubt in their rush to exhibit and praise their own experiences, could be condensed into a single word: helplessness. One enters in the aura of Suicidio and becomes powerless, unassisted, without any shred of the protection that one might have counted on in the outside world. Now alone and confronted against themselves.
I reiterate: helplessness is the key concept that explains what the common person is faced with in Suicidio. I am convinced that one could write two substantial volumes on the levels, depth, and types of helplessness that take place in Suicidio. Not the most interesting of subjects, I must say, but something that remains to be written nonetheless.